Sunday, October 12, 2008

Good day

"Everywhere in nature we are taught the lessons of patience and waiting. We want things a long time before we get them, and the fact that we want them a long time makes them all the more precious when they come".~Joseph F. Smith

October 10th was a good day, a very good day. I took a pregnancy test (probably the 100th one in my marriage) and it was positive. That's right,...I've probably taken 98 negatives,...and now two positives. :) Okay, technically I've taken several postives after the initial two positive just to make sure it is for real! ;) Noah B is going to be a big brother. I am starting to realize that to everything in life there truly is a time and a season. The first time we were trying to get pregnant I was consumed by trying. 18 months of praying for our miracle and we finally got out Noah B on July 7th, 2007. I was starting to get consumed once again. Not being able to get pregnant when we wanted has always been a trail of my faith. I am slowly realizing that Heavenly Father truly loves me as an individual, but that things are not always on my time.

I am thrilled, but the slightest bit nervous all at the same time. Brad will probably be starting graduate school right around the time baby #2 joins our family. With the economy the way it is, and Brad in school, finances of course are a concern. But for whatever reason, THIS is the time baby #2 is suppose to join our family, things will work out. It always wanted my babies 2 years apart,...but now that it is a reality,...2 babies under the age of two....AHHHH! :) Obviously I am going through some mixed emotions, but I am so grateful and feel incredibly blessed. I will take these little miracles whenever Heavenly Father wants to bless the Coates family with them.

My heart aches for those around me who struggle with fertility problems. It seems to be a growing issue. I know what it feels like to want to get pregnant and not be able to. I know what it feels like to think of 16 year old girls being "knocked up" under their highschool bleachers and wonder why they get a baby and yet after praying and trying so hard to be righteous, not getting one. I know the feeling of having as much faith as humanly possible (which isn't perfect), going to the temple, fasting, praying, and knowing that Heavenly Father will bless me with a baby that month,...just to be dissapointed and angry when I wasn't. I know all of these feelings,...too well,...but I am starting to understand them. Being a mother is that much more sweet when you have to wait for the blessing. It is so much easier said than done. I am starting to try to enjoy each season of life as there are so many things to cherish in each chapter. There will be frustrations in each season, as well as incredible priceless moments. I know that each season will be missed in the future. Heck, I already miss the alone time Brad and I shared together before Noah. ;) But I am learning that if I don't enjoy today, life will be full of empty yesterdays. It seems like we are always wishing for the next step, when in reality we need to find joy in every moment of the journey. How grateful I am for a Heavenly Father who teaches me line upon line.

So as for this moment, I am trying to cherish all I have now. Noah B is sick and thowing up,..which breaks my heart, but he is the cutest cuddliest kid ever when he isn't feeling well. All he wants, is to be held. It's moments like this that I will hold in my heart forever.

I love being a mother. I feel so blessed to be pregnant again. Today is a good day, a very good day.

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